Holy cannibal Batman! Scientists uncover evidence that early colonists engaged in cannibalism

The Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History alongside archaeologists from Jamestown made an interesting announcement on Wednesday: archaeological evidence has been found that some of the earliest colonists at Jamestown survived a harsh environment by resorting to cannibalism. Can anyone see a Quentin Tarantino film on the subject sometime in the near future?

In one sense, the news is utterly uninteresting and unimportant. Did anyone doubt that some of the earliest American colonists were above eating one another in order to survive the ‘New World’? If so, come find me, I’ve got a bridge to sell you.

The story may end up in U.S. history textbooks, if at all, as a minor fact that will be glossed over as quickly as the earliest American’s relations with the Native American population! As members of any proud nation, we like to speak of our past in positive terms, exalting the best and barely mentioning the rest. Thus, the likelihood that these ‘facts’ will show up in our country’s history texts in a substantial way is probably slim.

What the story undoubtedly does do is change some of the perceptions that Americans may have had of these early American colonists, most of whom were fanatically religious and therefore presumably above these wretched deeds. Maybe it was the devil that made them do it!

Ask yourself, does it really make a difference whether or not early American colonists engaged in cannibalism, presumably to save their own lives?  We already knew these individuals weren’t all there in the minds, anyways.

In all seriousness, though, this story does represent an absolutely fundamental facet of our society: the willingness and ability to seek the truth about our past, regardless of how painful it may be.

Of course, some individuals would rather the past remain untainted by stories like this one. After all, how will Americans look at themselves, now? Probably much the same as we do already. I can see this story actually becoming a net positive in our society, a joke (“Don’t make me go Jamestown on you!”).

At the end of the day, though, it really doesn’t matter whether or not this archaeological evidence was uncovered or not. Sorry, but most Virginians, let alone Americans, really don’t care.